even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
