omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I am full of burrito and curiosity
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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