I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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