I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
