I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
