People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
