the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
