...so i touched it.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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