He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i dont even know how to be here
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
