Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
