my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
