I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
