were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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