I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
