I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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