If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
