That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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