i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you never un-have a 4some
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
