So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
