belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
