Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
