apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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