i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I got inside last night via doggy door
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
