Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
