So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
