Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
