Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
