No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
