Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
