I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
