Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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