I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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