There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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