dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
