He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
