I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
