I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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