Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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