This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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