i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Randomize
