Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
