the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
