Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
