You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am available for nakedness
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
