i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
