I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
