I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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