We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
