Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
