I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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