next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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