i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
