He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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